Matt Owens Rees

23 October

Fon got talking this evening about the farangs that frequent the girly bars. She wondered why they don’t seek genuine dates. Is a girl in a short skirt and displaying a lot of thigh really someone with whom you want to form a relationship? I didn’t answer though the truth is that many foreigners do seem to want to associate with sexy looking bargirls and do not want any lasting friendship. I thought Fon’s comments odd as she must know that Thais accept their husbands and boyfriends sleeping around as being as natural as the male gender standing up to pee.

There are Westerners who marry former bargirls believing they can change and settle down. Some do, some don’t. And every farang I speak to in that situation says, “Ah yes, but my partner is different.”

Respectable Thai women like being bought gifts and will make subtle hints if they want something. Asking directly for money or a gift is a tell-tale sign that she’s not interested in a future with you. The question to ask yourself is whether her request or hint is for services to be rendered or whether she wants a genuine association where you care for each other.

As well as being greng jai, not wanting to appear forward or demanding, the average Thai woman is modest. Sex is for the bedroom with the lights out. Trying new positions or experimenting with what would be regarded as mutually satisfying activity in the West between consenting adults, is seen very differently in Thailand. A no holds barred approach to a couple’s sex life happens here but would be unusual.

Although Thais dislike the immodesty of the girls who work in the sex industry, they understand and accept their reasons for choosing that vocation. The girls in the bars have no respect for their clients; they know the men have no caring attitude, namjai, towards them. That outlook is not easy to comprehend given that the girls themselves have shown no sense of modesty in their blatantly inviting approach to their clients.

Deep down the girls want support and respect. Maybe even love eventually. They know most customers will never give them that. “Caring” is a better description for “love” in Thai culture. Most Thai females who engage in the trade do so in order to send money home to parents, repaying then for bringing them up as children. Longer term, they want security and a caring attitude from men rather than love. As you can see, their attitudes to relationships and prostitution is not the same as those in the West.