Matt Owens Rees

Thai lifestyle curiosities explained

In this blogpost in the Beyond the Bamboo Curtain series—our regular lens on Thai life, the curiosities of Thai lifestyle are explored under 6 main headings.

Reflections on the main features of Thai society, drawn from my own experiences and observations of the culture I’ve lived in for several decades.

thai lifetime cuRiosities explored. mai pen rai

🪶 MAI PEN RAI
Thais live to laugh, not to labour.

Thais live to enjoy, not to work. The phrase mai pen rai—“never mind”—captures a hedonistic, pleasure-seeking attitude to life. Having to work is an unfortunate nuisance.

It’s not always laziness. They have a reputation for cutting corners when they’re working, and being satisfied with a job not properly done. Houses are forever being repaired in Thailand because of bad workmanship.

The Mai Pen Rai approach can frustrate Westerners who value a decent standard of quality work and a less careless attitude to time-keeping.

Thais believe in the Mexican concept of mañana, though with a lesser sense of urgency!

thai lifetime cuRiosities explored. family and community

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 FAMILY AND COMMUNITY
Social life centres on temples and food stalls — natural hubs for meeting people

Extended families remain close-knit, and community ties often outweigh a Thai’s individual ambition.

The village, not the self, is what’s important in Thai culture.

thai lifetime cuRiosities explored. the feudal hierarchy

🏯 THE FEUDAL HIERARCHY
Thailand’s social scaffolding steeped in status.

The kingdom’s social structure is deeply hierarchical. Gamma (karma in English) and bun khun (debt of gratitude) reinforce deference to monks, elders, your bosses, teachers, and government officials.

With twenty-two coups since 1932, democratic ideals remain fragile. Revolutionary upheaval à la Madame Guillotine doesn’t sit easily with Thai thinking.

thai lifetime cuRiosities explored. the concept of face

😶 FACE

No-one enjoys being humiliated.

Losing Face can trigger deep shame—and, in many cases, violence. Keeping one’s reputation intact — not losing Face — matters to all Thais.

thai lifetime cuRiosities explored. grengjai and namjai

Thais can be compassionate and cautiously generous, depending on the situation.

Grengjai is the reluctance to impose. Namjai is the spontaneous generosity that flows from empathy. A preference for harmony over confrontation,

That’s pure Thai culture.

Thai lifestyle curiosities explained. xenophobia

🪜 Janet, who speaks fluent Thai, was in a car with her friend when it hit a motorcyclist who had come out of a soi without paying attention.

It had crossed the lane in which she was driving to get to the other side of the road.

Janet’s friend swerved to avoid him but clipped the rear end of his bike. It was plainly the biker’s fault. He did not have right of way.

His bike was straddled across the carriageway. Janet’s friend had not been speeding and had done all she could to avoid the collision.

But he was Thai.

When the police arrived on the scene they drew chalk marks around the positions of the car and bike. They took statements. It was clear from the evidence that the biker had caused the accident.

The police had effectively pronounced him guilty, and had every sympathy for Janet’s friend.

Then, purely as a matter of routine, the officer asked to see her driver licence.

It showed a French surname. The officer’s face changed.

“You pay”, said the police officer. “No debate. No arguing. You pay now.“

She paid.

The biker had no money with him. He may well have been uninsured and with no means of repairing his bike out of his own pocket.

His bike was badly damaged. The car had only minor scratches and some chips in the paintwork. 

Having to pay when not at fault is not just for farang. Well-off Thais have to do the same; they would usually volunteer a payment. Not to do so would mean losing Face.

With the motorcyclist, it then became a question of how much to settle for.

Janet, listening to the conversation, knew that the rider was suggesting twice the normal rate because the accident involved a foreign expat. Being fluent in Thai, She negotiated the price to what a Thai would have paid.

Which of these features have you noticed—or struggled with—in your own Thai journey? Let me know below in the comments. . I’d love to know. So would your fellow readers.

https://mattowensrees.com/?p=130550

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khun_Chang_Khun_Phaen

the story of khun chang & khun phaen

Khun Chang, Khun Phaen, and Wanthong are childhood friends in Suphanburi.

Khun Phaen is handsome and intelligent, but poor because the king has executed his father and seized their property. He enters the monk-hood as a novice to get educated, excelling at military skills and love-magic.

Chang is ugly and dim-witted, but rich and well-connected at the royal court in Ayuttaya.

By age 15, Wanthong is the belle of Suphanburi. She meets Phaen when putting food in his alms-bowl at Songkran (the Thai new year). Sparks fly. They have a passionate affair, with Phaen shuttling between the wat (Buddhist temple) and her bedroom.

Chang is also smitten by Wanthong. He competes for her using his wealth and status. He offers to give her mother the equivalent of Wanthong’s weight in gold.

After Phaen and Wanthong are married, Chang persuades the king to send Phaen on military service, and then claims he is dead. When Phaen returns victorious, Chang plots to have him banished from Ayutthaya for negligence on government service.

Wanthong resists Chang’s advances. But when Phaen returns from war with another wife, they have a jealous quarrel. Wanthong goes to live with Chang, enjoying his devotion and the comforts afforded by his wealth.

When Phaen’s second wife, Laothong, is taken into the palace by the king, Phaen regrets abandoning Wanthong.

He breaks into Chang’s house at the dead of night and takes Wanthong away. At first she is reluctant to leave her comfortable life, but the passion rekindles, and they flee to an idyllic but frugal sojourn in the forest.

Chang, furious with the elopement, tries to frame Phaen on the grounds of treason. He tells the king that the traitor is mounting a rebellion. The king sends an army which Phaen defeats, killing two of its officers. A warrant is issued for his arrest.

When Wanthong becomes pregnant, Phaen decides to leave the forest and give himself up. At the court trial scene, the charges of rebellion are disproved. Phaen is acquitted and Chang is heavily fined.

Phaen nevertheless angers the king by asking for the release of Laothong. He is jailed, and festers in prison for around twelve years. Chang abducts Wanthong and they again live together in Suphanburi. Wanthong gives birth to Phlai Ngam, her son with Phaen. When Phlai Ngam is eight, Chang tries to kill him. Phlai Ngam escapes to live in Kanchanaburi with his grandmother who teaches him from Phaen’s library.

When the kings of Ayuttaya and Chiangmai quarrel over the beautiful daughter of the King of Vientiane, Phlai Ngam volunteers to lead an army to Chiangmai, and successfully petitions for Khun Phaen’s release.

They capture the King of  Chiangmai, and return with the Vientiane princess and a great haul of booty. Phaen now gains status as the governor of Kanchanaburi. Phlai Ngam, the son of Phaen and Wanthong, is appointed one of the royal pages.

Chang gets drunk at a wedding, and the old rivalry returns. Wanthong is abducted from Chang’s house, prompting Chang to petition the king for redress.

At the subsequent trial, the king demands that Wanthong decide between Chang and Phaen. She cannot, and is dumb-struck. The king orders her execution because she is seen as a woman who has ‘two hearts’, a symbol of unfaithfulness.

The king is asked for a reprieve, but the order arrives fractionally too late to avoid Wanthong’s execution.