Matt Owens Rees

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. A famous and true quip from Marilyn Monroe, the American sex idol (1926-1962).

According to this reliable source, classicsixny.com, “modern stars have continued to study and emulate Monroe’s style and energy. From the curves and elegance to the bold red lips and classic Marilyn Monroe makeup, her influence is eternal. Celebrities like Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Kim Kardashian have recreated her looks, celebrated her quotes, and even posed in versions of Marilyn Monroe iconic photos. They aren’t just borrowing style—they’re tapping into a legacy of femininity and power.“

Thailand has long been tagged the land of sun, sand, sea, and sex—a seductive slogan that’s stuck for scores of years. Because the economy benefits from its image as a global centre for sex tourism, the industry is tolerated with surprising openness.

Lip service may be paid to shifting these perceptions, but the cash flow is quietly welcomed. The Thai government recognises its contribution to GDP and is unlikely to turn off the tap.

It boosts the bottom line of businesses in the hospitality sector where sex tourists stay. Hotels and restaurants aren’t about to turn away paying guests on principle. They’ll keep welcoming the wallets, whatever their owners’ motives.

The number of prostitutes is probably around two million. Not all of them are Thai, and the greater number are not forced into the trade, despite what Westerners think.

Supporting one’s parents and older relatives is an essential part of Thai culture. The girls, without exception, regularly send a sizeable slice of their “salary” home.

These ladies are repaying the love and care they received as children—when they were nourished at their mothers’ breasts. They see sending money home as a way of returning that love, repaying the gift of mothers’ milk.

Soliciting is not illegal unless it occurs “openly and shamelessly or causes a nuisance to the public”. That’s a rather vague definition in a country where the interpretation and enforcement of laws can shift with the shifting sands of political sentiment.

As we noted in my book, Thailand Take Two, the provision of escort or massage services is not illegal.

Pole dancing is even considered a cultural art form by the authorities. Recruiting bargirls to drink with clients in a bar is not against the law. Scantily clad girls sitting in a row outside a karaoke club and smiling at potential punters are committing no offence.

Calling out “Hey, you handsome man” is not soliciting but merely an expression of appreciation for a man’s physical appeal.

Young women wearing numbered tags and sitting in a “goldfish bowl”, waiting to be chosen by men seated in rows and gazing at their bodies, is officially unconnected to paid prostitution.

The girls sit behind the glass screen, watching TV and gossiping amongst themselves. There’s often bitchiness, backbiting, and bursts of belligerence. Jealousy and mood swings can spiral into aggression.

Their obvious boredom is only broken when their number is called and they rush to grab towel and soap.

Away from the “goldfish bowl” venues and the flashier nightclubs in the big cities, you’ll find smaller bars in every Thai town where the girls gather, giggle, and gossip.

Some girls are seeking long-term relationships with farangs to offer them and their families a better standard of living than they currently enjoy.

Seeking stability through a farang’s favour

Marrying a much older man may be a small price to pay for that enhanced stability. A silver-haired suitor will give her the security she strives for, silently seeks, and subtly secures.

There are ladies who engage with several men simultaneously, carefully ensuring they never cross paths. If one of her catches is currently living abroad, she’ll expect regular remittances into her bank account from her roster of roaming Romeos.

Anecdotes From The Frontline: Peter and Siriporn are taught a lesson

His girlfriend had visited him at a government establishment. “Polite” dress was mandatory. Siriporn’s short trousers were leaving nothing to the imagination. Mai tuk tong: not correct, totally not acceptable.

But Peter obviously liked it. Hence, tuk jai, all love in the heart.

Quoting a well-known saying was the Thai way of giving a tactful reprimand. It was their way of making their views clear without being personally direct.

Tuk jai; mai tuk tong All love in the heart but not correct.

Peter liked being with his bargirl, showing her off to his friends. They all enjoyed looking at the large expanse of bare thigh that Siriporn was displaying. An experienced prostitute, she knew how to tease men.

Phla, (Thai for fish) was Siriporn’s closest friend. They had met at a go-go bar in Bangkok many years ago. Both were popular pole-dancers. Phla had married one of her customers, a property developer from the U.K. twenty years ago and they both moved up to Chiangmai.

Brian paid for her to have English lessons. She is so fluent that she was able to read a book on childcare when her first child was born. I liked Phla. I always called her “fish” , which amused us both. We’ve had quite a few interesting conversations.

She’s quite open about her background, and hinted once that her father and his friend had sexually assaulted her as a child. We never pursued that topic.

Her husband set her up with a business hiring out expansive designer handbags to ladies who wanted to show off at social functions but couldn’t afford designer prices.

Phla has effortlessly moved from being a prostitute to being able to move in hi-so circles with ease.

I last met Phla at her husband’s funeral. She told me she was planning to visit the U.K. to move his assets into her name. I didn’t have the heart to reveal that Brian had, in his will, gifted those assets to his ex-wife and two daughters. I’ve not heard from Phla since. Apparently, she did go to England.

Two Other Hi-So ladies I know

Goong (Thai for shrimp!) was born into an upper-middle-class family in Chiangmai. Her father was a successful businessman. Very influential. He had met the late Queen Elizabeth II.

Goong moves in the hi-so circles of Chiangmai life. With a mix of Thai and farang acquaintances, she comes across as a bit of a snob. She is not someone you could easily befriend.

Goong seeks solace in alcohol and nightlife. Her background has made her very confident. self-centred. She moves in circles where her friends, a mix of farang and Thai, have the same attitude.



My neighbour was unusually chatty tonight

Fon got talking this evening about the farangs that frequent the girly bars. “Why don’t seek genuine dates. Is a girl in a short skirt and displaying a lot of thigh really someone with whom they want to form a relationship? “

I didn’t answer. The truth is that many foreigners do seem to want to associate with sexy looking bargirls and do not want any lasting friendship. I thought Fon’s comments odd as she must know that Thais accept their husbands and boyfriends sleeping around as being as natural as the male gender standing up to pee.

There are Westerners who marry former bargirls believing they can change and settle down. Some do, some don’t. And every farang I speak to in that situation says, “Ah yes, but my partner is different.”

Respectable Thai women like being bought gifts and will make subtle hints if they want something.

Asking directly for money or a gift is a tell-tale sign that she’s not interested in a future with you. The question to ask yourself is whether her request or hint is for services to be rendered or whether she wants genuine affection where you care for each other.

Fon went on, “As well as being greng jai, not wanting to appear forward or demanding, the average Thai woman is modest.

Sex is for the bedroom with the lights out. Trying new positions or experimenting with what would be regarded as mutually satisfying activity in the West between consenting adults, is seen very differently in Thailand.

A no holds barred approach to a couple’s sex life may happen here but would be unusual.

Although Thais dislike the immodesty of the girls who work in the sex industry, they understand and accept their reasons for choosing that vocation.

The girls in the bars have no respect for their clients; they know the men have no caring attitude, namjai, towards them. That outlook is not easy to comprehend, given that the girls themselves have shown no sense of modesty in their blatantly inviting approach to their clients.

Deep down the girls want support, stability, and respect. Maybe even love eventually.

They know most customers will never give them that. “

Caring” is a better description for “love” in Thai culture.

Most Thai females who engage in the trade do so in order to send money home to parents, repaying them for bringing them up as children. Longer term, they want security and a caring attitude from men rather than love.

As you can see, their attitudes to relationships and prostitution are not the same as those in the West.

In Thailand, the currency of care often outweighs the currency of love